Just need to vent a bit...

I'd been a reckless eater most of my life, but a few years back I took up weightlifting, which naturally comes with a calorie restricted diet and protein intake requirements. Henceforth, I started reading labels on food stuff in grocery stores, and I've been pissed ever since.

1) Real vs. Unreal food

The bottle says: Mayonnaise
Fine print at the back: Mayonnaise-flavored cream dressing
Ingredients: Shit I can't read

No sir, you need to buy the stuff on the next shelf that says "Real Mayonnaise". Apparently, putting mayo on the label doesn't require that you actually put the real stuff in the package.

Applies to many other stuff, e.g., ice cream (ice-cream flavored cold dessert), croissants (croissant and butter-flavored bread pastry [wtf does that even mean?]), ricotta (cheese-flavored soy curds). All have "Real" varieties available if you know to look for them.

2) What the label says: "No added sugar!"

What it means: We instead added a shitload of sucralose to make it even sweeter than the original. Served with a side of cancer.

3) What the label says: "Skinny/Non-fat/Light <insert food>"

What it means: We removed all the fat... except that 99% of the calories in this certain product came from carbs anyway, so you end up consuming 297 calories per serving instead of 300. Good job.

4) The label: "X% less fat!"

Fineprint: "...not from our original product, but from a competing brand"

Potato chips do this all the time. There is the original, there is the 40% reduced fat version. However, the actual fat reduction is about 10% at best, fine print says they actually compared the light variety to Lays... I say fuck you.

5) The calorie challenge: I'm about to receive a PhD in computer science in the coming months, but I'll be damned if I can compute the amount of calories in a single microwaveable bag of popcorn. I dare you, go read the back of a 3-pack box and try for yourself.

Ok, that felt good.

Let it out, brother, let it out. /pats back

Don't forget there's a general gripe thread, in case you need it: https://www.gog.com/forum/general/the_bitch_about_life_in_general_thread

Fortunately, one label that seems to be rigid (though often applied needlessly) is Gluten-Free. If you're someone who MUST eat gluten-free - or who cooks for one occasionally - it's quite helpful.

so wait

the stuff they put on the front of the box?

that's... that's not accurate and trustworth?!

omg

somebody tell the lawyers! somebody tell the politicians! tell the press! tell the president!

is it... is not... is not a case where a bunch of food engineers are paid to design the cheapest and most maximally producible food item which is then taken by a bunch of marketers which are paid to make its packaging look as appealing as it can in the best possible light all overseen by a bunch of lawyers in case anyone should take issue with the massive amounts of grey area here?

All right.

1 gram of fat has 9 kcal. 1 gram of protein or hydrocarbon has 4 kcal. So it's a simple formula of (4*(protein+hydrocarbon)+9*fat).
No idea what the packaging you are talking about looks like though.
Pre-post edit: Wikipedia lists some other ingredient categories, along with their energy densities, so the formula is slightly longer, but still quite easy. You could easily drop it in a spreadsheet and have it automatically calculate the calories.

Every time something like this comes up I get reminded that I haven't got a clue what food actually is. The definition of Food have been so blurred it's become...something that confuse me.

deleted

Don't let that guacamole incident leave a permanent mark. ;)

That's why when I buy butter I always get Country Crock.

I figure, 'Hey, at least they're being honest with me.'

So I can't believe this is not butter...is actually not butter?!

"shedd's spread"
?!

So is everything in life.........

Did anyone get that joke or are you just aimlessly naming spreads? :P

I've heard in the US it isn't even obligated to name it in the ingredients list if genetically modified organisms (GMO's) are used in the making? Some kind of freedom, if you're not even free to get the information you need to avoid GMO's and avoid supporting Monsanto's unethical dealings (like prosecuting organic farmers for food that's contaminated by Monsanto's products - as if they'd willingly contaminate their organic crops with modified genes *facepalm*).

I'm sitting here with a crooked smile. Honestly I am.