One that I saw on reddit (CW: Hitler, suicide):
* The only good thing Hitler did was to kill Hitler.
* But he killed the person who killed Hitler; that's not so good.

An Medical Doctor and a Ph.D. in Psychology walk into a bar.

The bouncer inquires, "Is this a paradox?"

Some remarks a Latin teacher of mine made:

"Women eyes must be like men's feet: big, black and wet!"

"All girls are pretty. Where are the ugly women coming from?"

I would never be so disrespectful towards the fair sex. :->

I saw the other day in the news about the new Pope having been chosen. The commentators were wondering how it took only one day to choose him, when movies like The Da Vinci Code make us believe it to take ages.

I don't wonder at all, there aren't probably that many applicants anyway.

First of all, it seems like an awfully dangerous job. I can't think of many other professions where the mortality rate at work is 100% or thereabouts.

Second, the pension plan sucks. Basically you get no pension at all.

Religion and humor do not mix well.

There, was that humorous?

Actually, I think they can mix, particularly if you're willing to make fun of some aspects of the religion.

There's some humor, for example, in the sorts of workarounds that observant Jews use to follow the Sabbath laws while having a bit more freedom. Can only carry things in the ho,e? Well, let's place a wire (called an eruv) around the entire island so that it's technically part of the house, and so that we can carry things anywhere on the island on the Sabbath.

"Charlie bit me." One might say I am "once bitten, twice shy" about making religious jokes.

Why are chemists so good at solving problems? Because they have all the solutions!

Have you heard about the guy who stole the calendar? He got 12 months!

My memory got so bad that it actually lost me my job. I still have a job. I just can't remember where.

When I apply for a job and they ask who to notify in case of an emergency, I always write, “A very good doctor.”