"Nigerian prince found dead in apartment with $5.4M. Refused to give the new business partner a free toaster"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_QdPW8JrYzQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C4Uc-cztsJo

Good write up. Don't read the comments.

"I'm not good at death."

(This is from a twitch stream of Castlevania.)

"The kilogramme wlll cease to be a physical entity."

(Yes, they misspelled "kilogram", but that's not the point here.)

There comes a time when you have to stop ignoring something. A lesson that could well have been learned by those people who lived next door to Auschwitz and thought all the smoke was coming from an unusually screamy pie factory.

I love mugs so much, I just might kill myself.

Stop being a faggot and touch my balls.

I don't think anyone knows how dangerous it is. I'm getting advice here from a cabbage.

I will kick a panda in the bollocks, if I have to.

Nice catch! That was such an obvious one, too! I can't believe I missed it. :D
This is another gem from the post itself:

Did you get a ticket?

(Heard this one IRL, so no link (un)fortunately.)

"The Turban is a shield."

(From the Dragon Quest 3 SFC English Translation Patch, if you have a female merchant appraise a turban. Unfortunately, the female merchant's appraise ability is bugged in the patch, so if you want to get reliable appraise text, you'll need to use a male merchant. Fortunately, that ability does not affect the character's combat capabilities, and all it gives you is information and flavor text, anyway.)

Bug closed: Horse now behave [sic] as normal pants

https://twitter.com/Abstruse/status/1074282917113880576

Trump makes it too easy...

“I know you’re not thinking,” Trump was heard answering. “You never do.”
Trump Misquote