> Enter Left Tunnel
You go into the tunnel. It is dark.

"What the hell am I doing? This adventure is so fucked up! Am I cursed?", you think.

You pray that the GoGs will have mercy and finally help you..

(P.S: ninja'd, but it's still valid lol)

Luckily, you are still covered in the glowing red substance from the tunnel slide, so you are your own source of light.

As you walk down the corridor, you notice that your body heat makes the substance give off a pungent aroma. You wish you had more cheese.

With no cheese nearby you take a bite on your flesh

achievement Unlocked

Crazy Self Cannibalization.

You found a new source of food and try to eat the new pop up message.

The size of your body grew too big and collapse the tunnel due to your growing size

And you found yourself in your backyard. In your home. But in Mars.
You wonder how you can survive without oxygen, then you see her.

Melina looks at you and whispers "Quaid, wake up, it's only a recall. Quaid, you have to wake up!"

Just then the copyright lawyers from the planet Omicron Perseii 8 swoop in waving cease and desist notifications. In unison they cry out "NO MORE REFERENCES TO OTHER FRANCHISES!"

With your last breath you gasp out, "but it's covered under fair use for artistic purposes! And we aren't even making money!"

Blotchy colours cloud your vision and you feel consciousness slipping from your unresisting grasp.

Some hours later, you awaken to find yourself in an oxygen tent. A helpful Martian doctor indicates with one of his four arms that you should lie back and continue to recover. Through a window you can see other aliens building an emergency biosphere shelter over your home and backyard.

"What a great bunch of guys," you mutter.

Laying back on your soft pillows, you notice the map you ate earlier seems to have been recovered and pieced back together. It sits on your bedside table, decidedly worse for the wear. eeww. A post-it note has been attached to it that says. "Important. Read This."

You still seem to hear a woman's voice softly calling to you from another room of the house, but now she seems to think your name is "Wade"

Thinking the woman must be a little crazy seeing as she can't get your name right. You look at the Post-It note.
It reads:
A dozen eggs
Loaf of bread
Peanut butter
34 items later...

Until with dread you see the last item.
Tampons.
Why in the world does she always make me buy her tampons?

Just then Melina walks in, "Did you remember the groceries honey?"

Before you even have a chance to answer her question, your stomach rumbles in a way that it never has before. It feels like you are having a gastrointestinal event! You realize that you are beginning to excrete that rusty dagger that you ate earlier. You spend the next hour in the bathroom, grimacing in pain and vowing never to eat a rusty dagger again (nor any other kind of dagger, for that matter).

The dagger, rusty and bloody, lies in the bottom of the toilet, unable to be flushed. There is no way you are going to touch that thing again.

You thank your lucky stars that this is a GoGVenture and not real life. Wincing in pain you crawl your way over to a conveniently placed wooden chest. You find it untrapped and unlocked. Opening it, you find a small health potion, just like you expected. You drink it, and it tastes like rainbows and happy thoughts, and most importantly it heals all of your wounds.

Now all you have to worry about is the pain about to be inflicted on you by Melina, once she realises you have forgotten the tampons. Again.

Too scared of the imminent reprimand, you look around for an alternative way to exit the bathroom. Up on the ceiling you see a vent grill which you might fit through. Since flushing yourself down the toilet isn't going to be an option and you are definitely not ready to face Melina about the lady items, you determinedly step on the bowl rim and reach for the ceiling.

Before you can pull down the grill, you hear a nasty gurgling sound from the depths of the sewage system somewhere deep below you.
And the roaring, gushing noise is getting louder.

Before you can react, the toilet explodes in a flurry of sewage water and unmentionable objects. A ticked-off Cthulhu stares you down with pure anger... And hunger.

You wish you some cheese to give it.

"Fool!" Cthulhu shouts at you, swatting away the cheese. "Star-beings have no need for dairy! Only FLESH!" At that moment, you soil yourself.

The next thing you are aware of, is some shapely attendant applying saline solution to your temples; you cannot move!

The gurney, while not uncomfortable, has straps that keep you bound, and a gallery of onlookers in residence...